Archives for posts with tag: self portrait thursday




So so sorry. I’ve missed two posts this month. But this month has been really crazy and unusual. It’s been really good. Going out of town, people coming in town.

But the most recent development: I GOT A DOG! Finally! After about five years of whining about how I don’t have one, I finally got one! Ben and I adopted this little chihuahua, who was a stray in Oklahoma. It happened really fast. One day I came across her listing on an adoption site. One week later she was being transported from OK to NYC. I’m still in shock. I haven’t even had her a week. She’s just made me immensely happy. I wake up in the middle of the night and see her in bed and smile. (Usually she’s looking back at me and wanting a belly rub.)

This morning I woke up in a mood. I was feeling depressed about stupid things, but then I saw Ben and Chilly (short for Xochitl, also responds to Peanut) lying in bed sleeping and it lifted my spirits. Like, why feel bad about things I don’t have when I have two creatures in my bed that love me a lot? I felt silly and grateful.

I can actually go on and on about the dog, but I won’t. I’m sure she’ll keep getting mentioned in the future. I promise.

In other news, not much else is going on. Just gearing up to make more work. I have a couple studio visits planned for the next week or so. Pretty excited about that.

And pretty excited about this weekend. I’m ready to chill out. Usually September is such a weird, dull month. I feel like once you’re out of school, September has no real meaning. It’s just sort of an in-between month, which is why it’s weird that this one has been so busy.





Hey friends. Happy Thursday.

Sorry I missed last Thursday… I feel like I had a pretty good reason for not posting last week. But I can’t remember. Either it was a stressful day OR it was laundry day and I looked like shit. Who knows. But I’m here now!

I’m still feeling a little stressed out. Just getting things in order for the show in Provincetown. It’s not like there’s a crazy amount of things to do. I have a feeling I might be overreacting. I just want things to go smoothly and to look nice.

It’ll be fine, I know. I just need to stop being a little bitch.

I think I’ve also been mourning Robin Williams! I never thought about him very much. I just knew he was an actual actor. Like a really, really talented guy who was in some movies I’d seen. He was the real deal. But to find out this man, who’s usually all smiles, takes his own life… It really messes with your head.

I keep seeing random posts on Facebook or Twitter about his death. Like “Suicide is so cowardly” or “It’s his right to commit suicide’. Things like that. Really oppositional sides. Of course, it’s the internet! You’re either with us or against us. Does anybody exist in the middle anymore?

Personally I get upset about people taking their own lives. My father’s father killed himself when my father was pretty young, and it’s always made me mad. I couldn’t imagine ever doing that or ever having that happen. I get upset about the emotional state a suicidal person is in. But I also get upset about all the loose ends and hurt people that are left behind. Like, how is that fair to your children to do that? I think suicide is a sad and selfish act.

There. I said it, internet.

But on another note, on the day he died, a friend and I were walking in the East Village and passed by Gilbert Gottfried, who did the voice of Iago the parrot in “Aladdin”, which Robin Williams was also in—as Genie. I remember seeing that movie in the third grade, and it really inspired me to learn how to draw. The lines that made up Genie really stuck with me, and the first thing I did when I got home that night was draw.

So, there’s that. (Sorry, didn’t mean to take it there.)


I re-watched “Aladdin” in the past year or so. It still holds up!



Hello hello hello.

It’s Thursday. But it’s my Friday. And yesterday was my Monday, so figure that one out.

Leaving for Connecticut in the morning. Really excited to get out of town. I feel like my normal rituals are stifling any creative ideas I have in my head. I need to replenish what’s in my head. Running on fumes here. My excitement to take on new work is always at its highest after getting back from a trip—even a day trip—or doing something new or out of the ordinary.

I’ve got some ideas in my head right now but haven’t really felt motivated to complete them. I’m not being totally lazy, though. Sketches are made, ready to become paintings.

Also been working out every morning. Got back into a more strict diet. Lots of greens and protein and whole grains. (Although there was one night when I was a little stoned and came across a banana pudding ice cream and then ate the entire pint…)

I’d been feeling a little bogged down physically. Only working out once or twice a week. Not eating enough greens. Frequenting my favorite local Caribbean bakery, Allan’s. (Since 1961!) Grabbing a pint of banana pudding from Magnolia Bakery on my way home from work. You know how it goes.

I’m just looking to clear my mind and my body, okay?

And I’m ready for the weekend. I’m ready to not look at people on at the subway. And hey, I’m also ready not to wake up at 630 or 7AM to exercise.




Hey friends. Happy Thursday.

Hope all is well. All is good with me. Just listening to tons of Missy Elliott. And I’ve been making a couple paintings inspired by really good sex and Missy’s music. See here and here. I thought I’d give the babies a rest. Nap time. And explore some other things I have in mind.

Things are coming together with my little show in Provincetown later on this summer. I’ve never discussed framing so much before. I’m getting really tired of talking about it. The coast still isn’t clear, but… I’m getting there. I can’t wait to see them framed and shipped. I’ll discuss the details closer to the date.

Currently reading this book called “Testo Junkie: Sex, Drugs, and Biopolitics in the Pharmacopornographic Era”. It’s a bit dense but interesting enough. I think a lot of it has to do with how the economy has shifted from being industrial and selling us products to getting more life from selling us ideas and thoughts and drugs and such. And how that relates/controls gender. “Gender”? Hey, I’m not done. I’ll get back to you.

I’ve also been watching a lot of shows about tattooing. I’m setting up an appointment at Saved in Williamsburg. I’d tell you what I’m going to get, but… I’m going to wait. But it’s going to be a portrait tattoo on my inner arm. I’ll be on blast.

Might do a day trip to Fire Island on Monday. Then I’m going to Connecticut for the weekend with Ben and his family. Busy week.

And I still don’t feel like I have a proper summer tan yet…




Hey there. It’s Thursday and so fucking muggy outside. I feel like I’m back in Houston. Also not into this portrait. But, hey, I’m in a great mood.

In lieu of working out the past few days, I have resumed writing in the mornings because I just felt like I had a lot on my mind that was clouding my thoughts and judgements. I think lately I’ve been falling back on sort of mental/creative blocks. There’s a fine line between smoking too much weed and being creative and just smoking too much weed. Hey, I think I’m in the clear, but I’m very sensitive about falling back into a creative slump, not keeping up with certain aspects of myself that need regular maintenance.

I went through a creative block for most of 2013 and definitely don’t want that to happen again. Not fun.

One goal I had written in January was to show some of my new work, and that’s actually happening in late summer. Getting a chance to show my paintings in Provincetown maybe late August/early September. It’s a baby step, but a good feeling. I’ve been surprised by the outcome of letting myself keep exploring certain inspirations. I’d never drawn babies before this year, and I’m never exactly sure what to make of the paintings after I finish them. But, hey, they make me laugh a lot when I’m doing the initial sketches, and the response has been good. Why not.

Anyway, 4th of July is tomorrow. I’m too sunburned from this past weekend to go to the beach, but luckily it’s supposed to be raining. Thinking of getting my aura portrait taken. Oh, and making a 4th of July-themed dessert. That’s definitely going to happen.

Next week is my birthday. The 3-0 one. I rented us a room upstate that is right on the Hudson River. Private sundeck. King size bed. Jacuzzi tub. I’m excited to do this right.

I’ll let you know how that goes. I’ll be a week older.





Some portrait, right? It looks like my head is evaporating into white.

This week has been so dreary. It all seems like one long humid dark day. No commas there.

There’s not much to report this week. Just been working nonstop. Even on my days off I ended up working with my friend Paul, organizing and filing his artwork and such before his move to LA. It really was nonstop work. After the end of Day 1, Ben asked me, “So you guys socialized while working?” But, you know, there was very little socializing at all. Nonstop moving around.

But tomorrow the salon is closed, and I’m off Saturday. So I’ll have a legit weekend with Ben.

I’ll also be able to focus on this painting I’m working on. Sometimes I’ll come home from work and just do one step and call it a night. For instance, I’ll come home and come up with a design and draw it out. Then the next night I’ll project the image much larger onto my paper, then go over the pencil w/ ink. Then call it a night. And the next night I’ll do a background wash. And so on.

It’s hard to work like that, though. It definitely breaks up my concentration. I was doing that this week with a painting I THOUGHT I had a good feeling about but ultimately ended up scrapping because I couldn’t get it together.

I began work on a new painting that I feel is more focused and I feel more inspired by.

In other news, just working out a lot. Splurging where I shouldn’t be splurging.

I’m getting older everyday.





Hey guys. Happy Thursday.

I’m so ready for the beach! I can’t wait to just lie on the sand and toast my skin. I feel I’ll be talking about how much I like going to the beach all summer. And then I’ll be talking about how much I miss it once it’s too cold to go. But, hey, it’s the perfect thing to do with friends—or alone. Just pack some reading or music, sunblock, drugs, etc. You’re good to go.

I had a broke week. I depleted my leisure money budget, so I have been lying low. Just painting, watching 3+ hour documentaries, eating. When I’m broke I tend to avoid going out and being social because I know something will pop out at me, something I need to buy. Or I’ll walk by a restaurant that looks good and might want to stop in.  I have self control. Obviously. But I just tend to stay indoors during those times. To avoid temptation.

But because I’ve been staying indoors the past week, I’ve been reading the internet a lot more on my days off than I normally do. (At work I’m on the computer from 11am to 9pm just about, so I really try to stay away from browsing the internet when I’m off work.) I caught all the RuPaul/”tranny” controversy, and was getting so bothered by all the back and forth.

I had posted the original link (where Ru talks about loving the word “tranny”) on my Facebook and was promptly deleted by a couple people. I mean, these are people I don’t care about, really. They were just random internet people I knew somehow. But I always recognized their posts because they were always so infight-y and negative. Calling out people from the community. (Whatever “community” means to you…) Like “Fuck this person!”

(I think that day, one of them described Ru as a “shit stain”… You know, that kind of thing.)

What bothers me about a lot of debate is that there’s actually no real dialogue. It’s always like, Oh, you did/said this thing I don’t like. DELETE. BLOCK. Without actually engaging in a conversation.

And maybe that’s the thing about internet debates. It’s the internet. Not really a place known for its intelligence.

And maybe my Facebook or Twitter feed is different from most people’s feeds. I don’t know. But I see stuff I don’t like a lot. I see a lot of people posting things that don’t really agree with. In real life (IRL) I see tons of things I don’t agree with.

I live in New York City. I see a bunch of shit I’d rather not see.

But the point is that I’m confident enough in my own self and my own beliefs that I can hold a conversation about something without veering off track and censoring the thing that I don’t want to see.

I don’t want to live in a place where everyone talks and thinks the same. How boring.

I’m starting to see a lot of “progressive/liberal” people as actually being really fucking conservative. And I think that is so sad.

But anyway, does this rant make any sense? I think I’m just exhausted and bothered by people, really. I’m tired of infighting.

And I think the point of all this is: GET OFF THE INTERNET.




Happy gloomy Thursday, friends.

I’m excited to be off tomorrow and Saturday because Ben will be off those days. And finally we’ll be able to have some quality time. He started a new job, which is great, but which has upset our routine. So, we still have to adjust and figure out when to put in the boyfriend time.

I’m hoping to check out the Kara Walker sculpture in Williamsburg this weekend. It looks really great. And talk about a location. I love old warehouses. My first studio in Brooklyn was in an old warehouse in Red Hook. Right on the water. It was great. (The people I shared it with, not so much.)

Started work on a new painting last night. I had written in my phone some notes for a painting of worship, which then became a painting with a beach setting. Which then became something totally different.

It’s interesting how that happens.

Oh, which reminds me: I finished the painting I was working on last week.  It doesn’t look how I wanted it to look in my head, but nothing ever does.

On Tuesday I went over to Paul Mpagi Sepuya’s to purchase a print before he leaves for Los Angeles. He gave me an extra for free and some frames to go with them. I just gotta take them to the framer next week. I’m happy with my selections.

The main thing I was looking for was one of his photos of a messy bed because my bed looks like his bed because we both have white walls and black sheets and pillows. And I thought it’d be nice to have a photo of a messy bed above my own messy bed.

All right. Have a good weekend!




Good morning, friends.

The salon is opening a little late today, so I had time to work out and do some painting.

I’m working on much larger paper. It’s hard press paper, which means it’s smooth. The paint dries faster on this paper, so I’ve had to work a little more quickly than if I were working on cold press paper, which has some texture. Although for hard press paper, it REALLY helps to wet the paper first before applying paint. (Somebody JUST suggested that to me, but I forget who. So, thank you, whoever you are.)

You’ll see the painting soon. I hope to finish tonight or tomorrow. Or Saturday.

It’s big.

So, in other news, I got glasses. As you can see.

I’m a little self conscious in them. I thought I’d feel kinda cute. I like them and all. But a part of me feels like I’m playing dress up. And playing dress up to me gets old really fast.

I need the glasses, though. And glasses sound a lot more appealing than contacts.

Putting things in your eye? Gross. I’m always reminded of “Halloween 2″ where Michael Myers puts an syringe in someone’s eye.

Gross, dude.

Friday is Jo’s 40th birthday. I’ve got my outfit picked out. Do you?




Hey. Happy birthday, Mom. Happy somber Thursday!

I woke up and worked out my chest and triceps. It was nice listening to Beyonce inside and the rain drops outside. It was nice to be active because I drank a couple times this week—especially Cinco de Mayo, I don’t usually actually go out on that day, ay ay ay!—so I’ve been feeling sluggish.

I’m a lover, not a drinker.

This weekend I’m going to a bat mitzvah. My first one. I’m not sure what to expect.

My father went to my niece’s birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese last year, and he thought there’d be beer served for some reason. So, he gets there and finds out there’s no booze.

I expect a baby’s birthday party to be a lot different from a bat mitzvah, but you catch my drift?

My self portrait is looking a little shady. It looks like I just hang out behind buildings—which is kinda true. But not. My entire Thursday is spent working at the salon, so there’s not much opportunity to take a portrait. Need to find a new setting, though. I’m afraid I’m boring myself.

Not much else going on this weekend besides the usual. There’s potential for anything, really, and I like that.

There’s a painting I have in my head that’s been coming to me in little pieces. I have been working more slowly than I was when I first started to watercolor. But I think it’s because I’ve been adding more steps to my process. I’m trying to make more intricate paintings so that when I begin painting larger pieces there’s more to look at. Hope to do some drawing tonight, some painting on Friday.

Stay safe and have a good weekend!


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