(Not an actual self portrait. Ben took this photo of me. I think I look really, really short in it.)

We took a stroll through the High Line Park today. (You can see Diane Von Furstenburg’s apartment from it.) Walked around the city for a bit until I suggested we go back home because I felt nauseous.

Was pretty sick yesterday with some stomach flu nonsense. Whatever it was, I couldn’t eat anything. I woke up around 3 or 4AM with my head in the toilet. Not cool. I slept all day and watched “Family Guy” when I was awake. On and off.

Hopefully I’m 100% better by tomorrow, friends.

xo
craig

This same time last year I was very sick with the flu. I remember being delirious one night and waking up and calling out for Ben to come help me because I thought I was going to die. But Ben was in Israel.

Sad times.

Today I’m going to be doing some research and writing. It’s rainy outside, so I might as well. I’ll be watching lots of television and interpreting the television I’m watching and taking pictures of television.

Television.

xo
craig

I usually steer clear of most things mainstream, especially music. It’s kind of a messed up thing about myself. If I look at my Facebook or Twitter feeds and see everyone talking about the same thing, I completely shut it out in my mind. I’m reluctant to spend too much time with mainstream music because it’s like a lover with no backbone who will do whatever it takes to please you. And we all know that that doesn’t make for a long lasting relationship.

But of course I eventually come around and give mainstream artists a chance at some point. I’ve just always been weary of strangers at first. So, I really do look forward to enjoying Lana Del Rey’s debut album in 2018.

Why I initially reject mainstream isn’t because it’s horrible or it sucks. There are actually some talented, beautiful people that are mainstream. It’s just that in my mind I’m looking for things that aren’t readily available. I’m on a quest for music that isn’t already being packaged and sold to me as the newest, coolest thing around.

That’s not to say that I am anti-mainstream and anti-trending topics either. You can check my iPod and find Beyonce and Katy Perry and things like that. I even attended the Monster Ball with my sister last year. (And, let me tell you, it was quite the ball.) But at the end of the day, these aren’t the things that inspire me to do all the things I do. They’re entertaining things, things that pass the time. Not things that really light a fire under me. I just think there are too many hands involved in this mainstream stuff—too many publicists and managers and suits—that really prevent those things from being organically inspirational to me.

And that’s what Whitney Houston was to me. Mainstream. She was a very gifted woman, who had run into some issues—but whose influence and legacy is definitely undeniable. She is one of those artists that is forever. Like Elvis or Michael Jackson is.

That said, she hasn’t had any influence on me and my work. When I create, I summon many strong artistic minds and energy, but she isn’t one of them. Whitney Houston was a name I just knew because of the mainstream. I know of some of her songs and sometimes with my boyfriend I’ll watch the “I’m Every Woman” video because it’s so great. And I get sad about her being gone in that way.

But the passing of Whitney Houston hasn’t affected me the same as it has other people. I woke up this Sunday morning feeling absolutely normal. Yes, I woke up with the knowledge that Whitney Houston has passed on—and I was sad on a human level—but I wasn’t depressed. I still had things I had to get done for the day. I had to get ready for work, and I had to see if there were any trains that weren’t running this weekend. Those were upfront in my mind.

I’ve just never gotten choked up about mainstream drama and deaths. Or births for that matter. (When Blue Ivy was born, I found myself very… indifferent. I really thought I’d be happier for Beyonce because I really enjoy her music.) Besides social injustice issues and things like that, it’s hard for me to become emotionally invested in the lives of people I don’t know, especially those people that make headlines in Us Weekly.

The most affected I’ve ever been by famous people drama is that time this past fall when I found out Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore split up. I think I took my own parents’ divorce easier than I did Kim and Thurston’s. I’m embellishing a bit, but I remember sitting at my computer and repeating, “Oh my God” over and over. I was in complete shock. I was worried about my idols and the future of my favorite band, Sonic Youth.

Not that I’d call Kim and Thurston mainstream. But that’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to mourning for people I don’t know.

So, Whitney Houston passing makes me wonder about celebrity and the mainstream.

It makes me wonder about people who are really upset about this situation. I’m filled with a bunch of questions: Are people really upset about Whitney Houston dying because they’re huge fans? Are they upset because someone famous has died and it’s always sad when someone famous dies? Or are they upset because a part of who they are has died?

Maybe all three, but this last question is what jumps out at me the most. It is very interesting because mainstream is something we accept as a part of our lives. Mainstream can be that weird advertisement on the subway that you pay attention to or you don’t. It is the popular TV show we grow up watching. It is that song that is blaring from the car that is passing you by. It can be a lot of things. And whether or not you like it, you have to accept it. It’s just there.

I’m under 30, so Whitney has always been a part of my life. Her music has always been in the background. So, when my sister sent me a text last night that read “whitney houston dead. is horrible. news.”, I was confused at first because she wasn’t forming a complete sentence, but then it hit me: Whitney Houston was dead. The Whitney Houston.

I felt a little empty inside not because an artist/performer I truly loved died but a part of mainstream culture as I’ve always known it had been changed. Perhaps this is why people were so upset. Maybe the fact that that we now cannot talk about what Whitney Houston is but about what she was makes us think of our own mortality. Maybe a little bit of our life as we’d known it has died, too.

Does that mean we are too much invested in the mainstream? I don’t know. Whatever the case is, I am left with one final question: Does all this mean that mainstream cultural identity is part of our own identity?

-craig

I used to wear this cardigan a lot last fall/winter, but since then I made the mistake of washing it the wrong way, and it shrunk tremendously.

I don’t know why I’m still holding onto it.

Anyway, sorry I’ve been quiet this week. Have been busy. Have had my ups and downs, including one day where I lied in bed all day, eating red velvet cake and feeling sorry for myself.

I’ve sworn to myself that I’d never do that again.

Unless I made another cake equally as good, and I happened to become depressed.

Then it might happen again.

xo
craig

PS
I’ve written a couple pieces for the site xojane.com and will continue to write more for them.
Check. It. Out!

We were trim shopping in the garment district yesterday, and I came across this button of the US flag. Love at first sight.

We ate Indian food, then came home and watched “The Burning”. So gory. I forgot about that. I hadn’t seen it since I lived in Red Hook a few years ago.

Later I stayed up really late to watch this pretty disturbing documentary called “Dope Sick Love”. It’s about these two crack-addicted couples in NYC and the things they do to support their habit. So intense.

It was a reminder that we’re all leading so many different kinds of lives. Very sobering. Shed some light on some of the more “interesting” people you’ll run into onto the streets and trains here.

xo
c

Up until recently I was going about my life very happy that Cy Twombly was alive and still making great art.

Then I sat in the salon chair a little while ago—we were coloring my hair—and started reading through a somewhat recent issue of Art Forum. They had a nice retrospective piece about Cy Twombly, and I wasn’t sure why they were paying such close attention to Twombly. But I was happy about it because I like him.

And then I realized that he had passed away this past summer.

Some fan I am…

So, let’s look at some of his pieces real quick.

I love these.

Back in Houston, there’s a Cy Twombly gallery that is practically on my old school’s campus. It was so nice to walk there between classes and just wander around the gallery admiring his work.

This is the kind of art I’d love to put in my home.

xo
craig

Just chilling on my couch at home. Today is cold, and it’s supposed to rain. Bummer since I slept a lot yesterday. Wasn’t feeling well. It was sunny then, I think.

Not inspired to write much. Or to think of a reason to get outside.

But I think my sometimes-band Lazy Susan is having a practice session this evening. That’s always fun!

Stay warm and dry.

xo
craig

Let this picture-heavy blog show begin. In no particular order…

Bernhard Willhelm

Thom Browne

Kris Van Assche

Issey Miyake

Henrik Vibskov

Comme des Garcons

Dries Van Noten

Juun J.

Walter Van Beirendonck

I guess by looking at these photos, I can say that I was looking for pieces that are psychedelic and over-exaggerated. I’m in that state of mind right now.

Traditional menswear is getting mens fashion nowhere. I mean, of course I understand the appeal of classic wardrobe items. I love that. But why do we as spectators want to look at fashion shows that are full of reliable, wearable clothing? We don’t. That is boring. I want to look at wearable art. I want to look at fashion that questions what men should wear.

xo
craig

PS
If I had to pick my favorite show, I think I’d just say Bernhard Willhelm, solely for that bandana that reads: “I LOVE BLACK COCK.” Awesome.

I cut off my hair.

I was inspired by the guy in that overrated movie “Avatar”.  I watched it on the plane ride back to NYC. It was okay, but a little too intense for my tastes. I mean, I generally don’t watch movies where the music is so intense and overbearing and pretty much instructs you about what you should be feeling. I think that’s distracting.

I also didn’t appreciate the alien race pretty much resembling African people. I thought that was offensive. And very white.

Generally I’ve been hating on every single movie I’ve watched in the past couple months. I’m just seeing right through them all. (And I didn’t know “Avatar” was the highest grossing movie of all time! I was so shocked. It was no “Jurassic Park” or “Clueless”. Jeez. I hate all that 3D nonsense.)

Anyway, I liked that guy’s short haircut.

I know that it’s winter, and that it’s cold. And yes, my head is freezing. But it is a lot better to me to have a hair style that remains the same once I take off my hat.

The other day before work I spent a good 10 minutes blow-drying, hair spraying, and combing my hair only to have to put a hat on, which ruined my hard work once I had gotten to the salon. My hair was a matted-down mess.

What’s the use? I’ll just have a shaved head until it’s warm enough outside.

xo
craig

Every once in awhile I’ll go back and listen to every Sleater-Kinney album over and over for a week or two and re-examine/evaluate their music. I’ll close my eyes and listen very closely to their lyrics and to their guitars and to the way their guitars are tuned. I’ll listen closely to Corin Tucker’s almost-operatic way of singing and Carrie Brownstein’s hiccupy outbursts.

Basically I go back and fall back in love with them all over again. They’re one of my absolute favorite bands.

I first got into them right when I first started college. I downloaded a couple songs, including “A Real Man” from their self-titled debut album.

This was around the time they came out with their album “One Beat”, so they were touring in support of it. They came to Austin, where my younger sister was living at the time. So, I got on a bus and went to see them. I wasn’t really familiar with the band, but I knew they were important—and I knew I felt some sort of connection to them. I had to go.

It was a great show, even though I wasn’t familiar with their set or their opening bands. (The Quails and Shannon Wright opened up for S-K.) Corin and Carrie talked to the crowd about how they had just randomly met Robert Plant earlier that day. He was looking at a flyer for the Sleater-Kinney that evening. Everyone played really long sets. S-K didn’t get off the stage until around 2:30AM. My feet were hurting, I was tired, and my ears hurt. But the show was great. And I’m glad I got to see them with my sister.

I’d like to go back to that show. I want to see the band play live again. That was the only time I saw them play. They came through Houston (where I’m from) in support of their last album, but they were opening for the Red Hot Chili Peppers at a really big venue… Not my scene.

(I was in Portland playing a show at Reed once back in the day. I ran into Corin early one morning at Trader Joe’s. I went up to her like a crazy person and said, “OH, I know you! Sleater-Kinney. I really like your band.” And she looked at me, tired because it was really early, and said, “Oh, thank you.” We exchanged a few words, and she told me to enjoy Portland.)

Sleater-Kinney is a very important band to me. Their sound and message is amazing. Each album of theirs gets better and better, and their last album, “The Woods”, was absolutely great. Their sound evolved yet stayed true to the band.

Whenever the last track on their last album “Night Light” ends, I feel sad. I want it to keep going.

Listening to Sleater-Kinney is a bittersweet and inspiring experience for me. I love them.

xo
craig

PS
My favorite album of theirs is “The Hot Rock”. Miranda July directed one of the videos for it: